I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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