thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
