Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize