I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
