Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
