if i died would you start the facebook group?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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