i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
