It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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