walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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