i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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