Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
