id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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