ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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