his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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