You can't motorboat a personality
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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