I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
