Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
