Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
