my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
