I could have mohawked her pubes.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
