i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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