So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
