I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
