Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
