do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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