just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize