The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
