Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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