Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize