Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
