I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
