Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize