i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
