Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Enjoy the penises
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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