so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
