Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
