I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
