just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
