i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
