I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
