I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
