3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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