Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
