He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
