my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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