Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
