At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
