Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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