all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
