We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
