Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
