No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
