Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Drake has all the answers
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize