hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Randomize
