so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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