Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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