That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize