Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
