i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
