I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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