I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
