This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
