Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
