An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize