she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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