why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
