I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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