i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
