I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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