his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
