A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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