My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
