I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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