I wish life had little blips of pornography
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
