Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
