What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
