I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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