Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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