i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
