so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
