I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
