next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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