the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I love you. Go after that dick
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
