Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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