he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
