I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize