Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
