she woke up with a sticky ear
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
