You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
