When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
soo... how was my night?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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