Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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