Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
