whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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