Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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