mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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