i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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