There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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