I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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