Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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