He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
