he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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