I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i've created a new STD.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
