Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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