Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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