put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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